i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
