We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
