My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He felt like a one man threesome
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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