Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
