Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
