Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
