he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
