last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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