He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
