belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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