don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
