Heybabeimwearingurpanties
someone get that fucking seahorse.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
