You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
