i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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