I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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