About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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