I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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