i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
