Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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