i need an iv and a liver transplant
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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