Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
