it was like his penis was on wheels.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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