Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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