saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
