I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
