I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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