just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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