I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
