Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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