Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
