Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
