Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
