JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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