You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
