you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
