of course. lets lasso hookers.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
