You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
