i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
