plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
