dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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