At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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