I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
