you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
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he fucked my hip out of place.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
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Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
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