...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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