im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
