so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
