It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
