so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
