OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
