dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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