omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
