Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
