my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You ruined the universe
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
