Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
