You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
