My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
