she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
