craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
