Whod you bang
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
