so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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