I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
