Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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