You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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