We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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