i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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