you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
