they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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