She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
