And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
