i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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