What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
