I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
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Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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