I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
