some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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