I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
