so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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