I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
