he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
